Yup, this was the final blow from the clue bat last night. I’ve been getting hit with it for a handful of days now, but somehow I wasn’t catching on. I need to be real. Real people have issues. Admit it, embrace it and get on with your life. Wayne sank that one in last night.
After a talk with some friends I felt a need to give myself a motivational kick in the ass, so I finally found Wayne Dyer’s Excuses Begone! It was totally the right thing at the right time. There was so much information in there that I have enough stuff to write for days, but that’s a different discussion. One part in particular just hit me, and it was like a light finally turning on.
He was talking about habits and memes and such, and he started talking about his own little neuroses, like going crazy to find something. His example was a dropped vitamin that seemed to escape into some mystical black hole, but he would go batty looking for it anyway. Then he’d catch himself, and here’s what hit me… he said (and I’m paraphrasing) “I’ll stop myself and think ‘I can’t act like that! I’m Wayne Dyer! I’m a spiritual teacher!’”
I took that in two ways. 1) Someone I respect and listen to as a teacher and guide has flaws. He’s goofy and has issues he’s still working through. He admits it. All that, and I still respect him and learn from him. 2) Knowing he’s flawed makes him more relatable. I try to hide my flaws for fear of losing respect. But, if I don’t lose respect for him over his flaws, why would anyone lose respect for me?
So there’s a double whammy there. And I should have gotten it sooner, but I guess every lesson hits you in it’s own sweet time. Earlier in the night I got teased byfor finally “humanising” myself. She told me it was a good thing. Earlier in the week, after finding out that I am not rich or perfect said in an email “I actually admire you more now than I did before!” Right there, two people who respected me more when I was real and not perfect. Dyer just sealed the idea in my mind.
I’ve said before that I needed to be more open and relate and all that, but fear always stopped me. I have been completely terrified that it will ruin me. I want to be like Wayne Dyer and Michael Beckwith; a spiritual and motivational teacher. I have a lot of knowledge and wisdom to share, and i love helping people more than just about anything else in life. However, I thought I needed to present myself as totally strong and perfect or no one would respect me or be willing to learn from me.
Now I see that the teachers I like best are the ones that are flawed, even now. Not only do they have colored backgrounds that they’ve overcome, they have current, real issues that they learn from and grow from every day. It’s not a badge of shame to not be perfect yet, it’s a sign that you’re a real, living, growing being.
It has been coming to my attention that by trying to present myself as so strong and flawless I’ve actually caused people to turn away and see me in a bad light. I need to fix that, as it has likewise come to my attention that I am a real and wonderful person, and I need to let that out. My flaws, my pain, my struggle to grow, it’s all part of me, it makes me real and relatable and worthy of the love and respect I desire. I can still become who i want to be, and there doesn’t need to be any shame in the fact that I’m not there yet. i can still lead and guide along the way, but only if I’m honest with myself and the world.