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The media has created this idea that “sexy” and “nearly naked” are synonyms. Overt sexual behavior has become commonplace. Few people understand that being sexy isn’t about showing and offering up everything you’ve got. It’s actually something completely different.
Sexy isn’t shaking you ass like you’re having a seizure or giving a lap dance to every guy you see. It’s not about how big your muscles or penis are and being a jerk to women. Sexy isn’t disrespect for yourself or anyone else. It’s not giving it up easily or trashing those who don’t. It’s about confidence and intelligence and working what you’ve got in the right ways.
Sexy is actually hard to describe. Granted it varies from person to person, but as I described, you can know what it’s not. What it is is complex. Sexiness is knowing what to say and how to say it. It’s being confident without being conceited, modest without being self-hating. It’s about presence. It’s about knowing who you are and owning it. It’s a graceful and complicated dance of qualities that have nothing to do with nudity or the sex act itself.
Sexy can be a man who holds doors and smiles at just the right moments, and does so honestly. It can be a woman who holds her head high when she enters a room and is gracious to those she meets. Sexy can be the way a man looks at your eyes when he’s talking to you and actually pays attention to what you have to say. It can be a woman who is strong enough to say no and kind enough to say yes, depending on the situation. Sexy can be talking you into a frenzy without ever mentioning anything sexual. It can be making you feel like you’re completely safe and loved.
Sexy isn’t really about sex, even though that’s part of the word. It’s not about being slutty or a player. It’s not about flaunting what you’ve got. It’s so much else. It’s mostly mental, when you really get down to it. It takes brains and the ability to use them to be truly sexy. Especially the kind of sexy you’ll dream about for weeks, as opposed to the fleeting, carnal sexy that comes from bare skin and overt action.
I really wish that people would learn the difference between being sexy and being overtly sexual. True sexiness and attraction last, they’re not about a fast fix. It’s subtle and complex and well worth mastering. People need to stop thinking that everything, to be quite blunt, is about fucking. It’s not. You can be amazingly sexy and appealing and not be having sex with anyone, or with only one partner. Sensual appeal is an art, and one that more people need to understand and think about, no matter what the media may be trying to sell them.