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Just when you think that zombies aren’t real, they come along and prove you wrong. They are far more real than you might think dear readers, and they are all around you. Argue all you want, but before you leap to assumptions let’s consider a few things.
Zombies are mindless consumption machines. They wander in constant search of brains to eat right? Well ideas and thoughts come from our minds so it’s not a stretch to think that zombies want brains because they aren’t capable of independent thought. So they eat OUR ideas and thoughts. Not much of a stretch, but there it is.
You can distract zombies rather easily with a loud noise or flashy thing. You know what I mean here. Crank the latest Beibercrap on the radio, or tune a TV to the latest twerk video and they wander that way and leave your brains alone. Just like lighting a fire to attract moths. Give them a distraction and they go for it EVERY TIME.
They usually move rather slowly, no matter what “World War Z” would have you believe. Rigor mortis and decay are real things folks. You really think that a mindless eating machine is truly capable of coordinated movement? They barely have instincts, and you think they can focus enough to sprint? Don’t give me that predator crap, successful predators know when to avoid a threat and aren’t as easily distracted from a meal. The good news is that you can avoid them without a lot of effort. Be quiet and keep walking, mission complete.
Take a good look around you. You’ll start to see them. They ARE everywhere, you only have to look.
If you are a zombie, just pretend that I’m writing about quantum physics or something else that’s actually important. Oooh look! The President just did something stupid! Wouldn’t you rather be over there? …. yeah … thought so.