How to Kill a Vampire (If You Ever Meet One) - Briana Blair - BrianaDragon Creations

How to Kill a Vampire (If You Ever Meet One)

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Posted by / August 2, 2014 / 0 Comments

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There are lots of myths and legends as to what will kill a vampire. I’m going to tell you some of the things you might try if you ever come up against one of these undead creatures of the night. (Of course, if I met a vampire, I think I’d sit it down, give it a drink and pick it’s brain for a while, but that’s just me *wink*)

How to dispatch the undead…

…If you think you need to.

*Stake them through the heart with a sharpened piece of wood (if you can get that close) This will kill pretty much anything, so be careful, you wouldn’t wanna accidentally stake dad or your SO. Keep plenty of pencils around for close combat!

*Hold up a cross to defend yourself (and hope it scares them off) Of course, a cross only works if you have faith, and not on all vamps.

*Throw holy water on them (and pray they don’t find it refreshing) If you can find somewhere to get holy water from in the first place. Alternately, you could drink holy water every day, so when they bite you, you’ll be contaminated.

*Light them on fire (and hope they die before they get hold of you) Keep that Zippo and lighter fluid handy! Or do the ol’ lighter and hairspray trick.

*Expose them to sunlight (providing it’s daytime) Better move at light-speed to get those curtains open! Or keep some sun lamps hooked to a clapper in your room.

*Expose them to garlic (of course, that much garlic will probably impede your social life anyway)

*Cut off their head (if you’re fast enough, strong enough, and just happen to carry around a sword or axe) Hopefully you get the kind that turns to dust, or that’s gonna be really messy.

*Distract them with seeds (supposedly they’re OCD about counting stuff, maybe you can keep them out ’til morning) Be aware, people are gonna think you’re a nutcase if you pour poppy seeds on your doorstep.

*Become a slayer (I’m sure there’s a Slayer Training Camp near you) It only takes special powers, years of study and training, and a good-looking British librarian type. You can do it!


Please note: This is purely designed for humor. Believe it or not, I have gotten comments where I posted this on my old blog, from people who claimed to be “real” slayers and “real” vampires.


Briana Blair

Briana Blair

Briana Blair is an author and artisan. She has published more then 30 books and thousands of articles across multiple sites. After practicing Paganism and witchcraft for 25 years, she's now on a journey as an atheist and skeptic. She's eclectic, unpredictable, and always evolving. Facebook - Twitter

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Briana Blair - BrianaDragon Creations