Enjoy my writing and art? Want to see more? Support my work on Patreon!
There’s this thing that happens with me that I find really annoying. A thought will get into my head and then it will just repeat over and over. Sometimes I can get rid of it quickly, but sometimes it’s in there, annoying the hell out of me for as much as half an hour. Between that and other annoying thoughts, my days can be a serious pain in the ass.
I tried looking it up, unfortunately everything I found was about OCD, and was suggesting medication. I don’t need a damn pill, and I don’t have OCD. I just need to figure out what causes thoughts to do that, and then figure out how to make it stop. It annoys the hell out of me that I can’t look up any useful information because everything out there is just crap intended to get people hooked on more pills. I want to figure out how to help myself, is that really so bad?
What happens is that I’ll see something or hear something, then my brain will just loop it. Like, say I see the name Ingen Hoffernickel. That’s a weird name, and my brain will repeat it over and over and over. I can’t think clearly about other things because that name is repeating in my head. It happens with odd words too. No matter how much I try to shut it up, my brain just keeps repeating it again and again.
The other problem is that I’ll think of something, then I start getting a string of negative thoughts about it or I’ll start playing out negative situations in my head. It’s a real time-waster, and annoying as hell. I don’t know why I haven’t been able to make it totally stop. I thought I had it under control a few years ago, but then it started up again a few months ago. I really don’t like it.
I’m fully aware that I don’t want the negative thoughts in my head and that thinking about things like that is totally non-productive. Unfortunately, that doesn’t make them stop as quickly as I’d like. I used to yell at myself in my head for doing it, and that made it stop, but now that doesn’t work. I’m trying to be more gentle now and just have an internal conversation telling myself that I don’t need or want those thoughts and I’d like them to go away. It kind of works, but it takes a lot longer than I’d like.
I’m hoping that somehow I can figure out a way to make both of these things stop. I’d prefer if my mind was calm and even empty at times. I don’t need or want all that crap rattling around in there taking away from clear and creative thinking. Sometimes I swear there is just some big mind control unit out there pumping out signals to screw with our minds, and that’s why people keep having mental issues. It sounds like conspiracy craziness, but sometimes I wonder if there’s some truth to it.
At any rate, I want to find a way to fix it. I can remember a time when this didn’t happen to me, so I know I can be clear-headed again. I even pray for my mind to clear, but that doesn’t always work. Hopefully I can figure out the trick and put it to work soon.