Sometimes, figuring out the right thing to do is insanely hard. Today has been really trying for me. I have so many things going through my head, and I really don’t know the right path to take.
You see, I like writing. I’m sure you all know that. The thing is, what I write and what it does for me don’t always jive, and it can get really confusing and stressful. For instance, I think the world needs a lot of changes and I like helping people, but oftentimes I feel that my work is falling on deaf ears and not doing any good. Other times I think maybe I’m getting too harsh because the crap of the world just gets to me so much. I wonder if I should write that sort of thing anyway or not.
I also wonder about the kind of people that come to read certain things. Generally speaking, I want to attract cool, open-minded people, Pagans, oddballs, and that sort of thing. The type that want to be better people and share spiritual things and change themselves and the world while enjoying the cool stuff along the way. Some of the stuff that’s on the blog right now doesn’t really fit with that because it’s stuff that I wrote back when I was trying to get paid for it.
That’s actually where part of my problems today started. I was thinking about how two of our three top posts are not bringing in the right kind of people, and it made me want to clean out some posts to get rid of what doesn’t fit anymore. Then I was thinking, do I just delete it or move it to another site? Will anyone see it if I move it? Is there some way for me to get something out of that writing, because even though it doesn’t fit, it is of value? What should I write that will bring the right kind of people?
As you can see, it’s rather maddening. I do want to write, but I’m getting lost when it comes to what to write. I want to write about things I like, but also things that will be of value to the kind of people I want to see coming to the site. It’s tricky to say the least. Especially when you take into account that most people I know who are cool, are just as eclectic as I am and can be into all sorts of things. My niche is very un-nichy.
What makes it all worse is that I’m still hearing the voices in my head of all the binary thinking people who say that I should write what will pay, in all its SEO glory, and forget about what I like or how I feel. Sure, I could write to attract part of the same target audience, but I’d have to do the soul-sucking methods and I should just do it because it would make money. Ugh. I hate all of that crap so much. I want to be happy, attract cool people and make money. I don’t want to sell my soul to the highest bidder.
So I’m all messed up mentally right now and trying to find the right thing to do. I want this to just flow and be easy. I don’t want to hear anything from the people who want to say I can’t do this. I want to attract awesome people, have fun doing what I do, and have success too. *sigh* I wish I was better at meditating for answers so that I could do that and maybe get some guidance. I’m not even sure how to practice doing that. I guess I need to figure it out.