Anyone who has been following me over the past few years knows quite well that my life has been a roller coaster. It’s one I’ve frequently wanted to disembark, and yet the ride keeps going whether I like it or not. I have times when I can get it to travel where I want, and then there are times that I feel completely out of control.
Through it all there’s this thought that keeps coming back to me in various forms: There’s something out there screwing with me. Not just me though, with all of us. Look at the state of the world and even of the people you know, and you can see it. People have so much potential, so much ability, and yet we’ve become drooling idiots or miserable shadows. People used to band together for what they believed in, now many can barely get through the day.
I’ve never been able to truly decide if the aforementioned “shroud” is a being, society, our inner demons, or some combination thereof. I don’t really believe in devils or demons, at least not in the sense most people do. I do believe that people are made up of and give off energy, and that that energy can be manipulated, and can spread to others. If you’ve ever been uplifted by a happy, positive person or been brought down by a miserable one, you know what I mean. Even on an individual basis, we can affect the emotional and mental state of others. I suppose that’s what I think it is, more than anything.
My point in all of this is my feeling that there is a force out there that is bringing us down. We live in a world of fear and hatred and stupidity, and that’s what’s fed to us every day through the media. We eat it up and spit it back out to be gobbled up by the next person to come along. The negativity spreads like a virus, and even if you try to disconnect from it, the mere knowing of its existence has an effect on you.
We see very little of it anymore, but there is good in the world. There are good people, new inventions, positive advancements, and all sorts of uplifting things and people in the world. They just don’t get the media attention that the rest of it does. More and more I see people falling into the “that’s just the way it is” mentality, blankly accepting the shit of the world because they feel like they can’t do anything about it. And sure enough, we’re told that we can’t, and that we may as well throw up our hands and just watch the Kardashians and buy some more crap that we don’t need.
I keep trying to fight this force. I really don’t have a clue how to do it, but I keep trying. Spirituality, personal expression, kindness, darkness, prayer, meditation, I’ve tried it all with varying degrees of success. Sometimes I get so angry at people for being so shitty and not acting the way that I think people should, and then I have to wonder if they’re going through the same thing, feeling the same struggle, and trying, just like me to shake it off. Maybe they’re fighting too, and it’s so hard that they can hardly see beyond it. I feel that way sometimes, like I’m almost blinded by all the crap and pain and confusion.
So maybe people aren’t really as crappy as I, or we, think they are. Sure, some are, but what if most of us are really good people, just fighting that shroud? It makes me want to reach out to everyone and say “Maybe if we try together we can beat this.” I do think that much is true. I think there could be a revolution if we could come together and work to change that dark energy, to free ourselves. If nothing else, every time one of us reaches out to another and says “I feel that way too,” it creates an opportunity for those people to work together to at least make their own lives better.
I believe that we need to work to break free of that shroud, both in our personal lives, and as a society. I’m not saying that it’s easy. God knows, if it was, I’d have done it once and for all by now. It takes a lot of work, at least right now. I think that if you can be with other people who are doing the same, each gets the benefit of the others’ success. that then spills out into the world and makes it easier for others. It’s the kind of chain reaction that would actually do the world an amazing amount of good.