Briana's Thoughts - Fighting The Unseen Force That Holds Us Down - BrianaDragon Creations

Briana’s Thoughts – Fighting The Unseen Force That Holds Us Down

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Posted by / January 5, 2014 / 8 Comments

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Sunday, January 5, 2014 6:35 PM

I keep thinking of how much I want to be a better, stronger person, but for some reason I can’t seem to do it. I want that to change. I want to have the energy and the drive to do the things that I need to do. I want to get in better shape, give up smoking and drinking, meditate more and be an amazing writer. I was getting so much better for a while, then something pulled me back down and I don’t know what it was.

Whatever the reason it happened, all I really care about now is getting better. I was starting to feel amazing and powerful and motivated, and I want that back. I want that feeling again, the one where I see myself as this amazing being with so much to give. I want to feel like I can do anything I set my mind to and it’ll just flow. I want to see positive results coming into my life. I want things to be brighter again.

I wish I knew what God or Spirit to call to, what meditation to do or affirmation to say to get myself back on track again. I want to be that amazing, uplifting, hopeful person that I felt myself becoming before. I swear, it’s like there’s something out there, some unseen force… It’s hard to describe.

It’s like this force leaves you alone when you’re down. You’re sad, unmotivated, feeling like crap, so it moves on and lets you stay in that place. Then, if you’re smart and strong, you start pulling yourself up. You start having faith and seeing the good in yourself. You start feeling like you can make a change in yourself and the world. You start making those changes, and things start to get better. Just when you start to feel that anything is possible and you can have the life you always dreamed of, that force turns its evil eye back to you.

Somehow, that force pulls you back down. It starts showing you ugly things. It saps your strength and motivation and makes you feel insecure and helpless again. It works on you until you’re low again before it moves on. Some may think that’s insane thinking, some may think it’s the devil, some may think it’s the low global consciousness trying to keep the status quo. Whatever it is, there seems to be some reality to it.

My desire is to figure out how to battle it. It’s like every time you reach a new high, that force finds a way to break you even more. It becomes harder to fight back and maintain yourself apart from the mindless sheep of the world. There’s got to be a way to fight it. I want to fight it. This sad, lonely, unmotivated person isn’t who I want to be.

I think one of the things that we need to do is connect to each other. People with like minds need to come together to fight this darkness. That’s one of the reasons I want more activity on the blog, I want people to talk and connect and fight against whatever the forces are that keep us down. There’s only so much that any of us can do alone. Together we are so much stronger than any one of us can be. Loneliness and lack of connection is one of the things that drains us and keeps us weak.

I don’t know what I’m going to do or how I’m going to do it, but I need to battle my way back up and regain the person that I was becoming before. I have so much to do and so much to offer, I can not and will not let this world, this unseen force, break me. I will find myself again somehow. If anyone else out there feels like I do, I welcome you to comment and join with me in trying to overcome this so that we can be the amazing people and have the amazing lives that we’re meant for.

About Briana Blair

Artist, writer, ordained interfaith minister, Dr. of Metaphysics and passionate oddball. I love to create, and I love bringing knowledge and joy to others. I've been an artist for 35 years, a writer for 26 and a Pagan for 22. And I'm just getting started!
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8 Comments

    UserR

    I have to admit since the new year started I’ve been in a similar funk. I know that since I stopped investing my time in writing for BUBBLEWS and not having the same audience since a lot of people either left the site or greatly reduced their own investment in the site, it’s been leaving me feeling unmotivated, too. Writing on my own site hasn’t been fulfilling as it’s bringing in next to no traffic. The only thing you can do is simply keep going, keep writing, keep doing what it is you do, and eventually you pull yourself out of it.

      Briana Blair

      The thing is, it’s hard to write when I’m not feeling like myself. I don’t feel the passion and drive that I need to write my best work.
      I wish you well in getting traffic to your site. I seem to be averaging 50-100 hits a day, which isn’t a terrible start. I know it will be far better when I get my spark back and start writing really good pieces again. I just need to figure out how to rekindle that flame inside myself.

      I think the connection, that sense of community, is why so many people, despite the problems that persist, stay with Bubblews. They’re not getting all they should from the site, but they don’t want to lose that human connection. I do miss it too, but I believe that I can have a community right here if people will just open up and post. and of course, when these pages are in front of more eyes, the likelihood of communication will increase.

        UserR

        Absolutely. To be honest, though, I get next to no interaction from the bubbles now. I’m just collecting the 40-60 cents I get from them, which is better than nothing. But I’m glad to hear that the traffic is beginning to come!

          Briana Blair

          I checked in there today and found that more people I followed or liked have left or are leaving. People are less active too. I guess that ship is still sinking.

          In other news, despite the lack of sleep, I think I figured out part of my motivation problem and I think I’m going to be back on track very soon. [smiles]

    Theresa Wiza

    One thing that helps me is giving to others. I crochet, so I’ve crocheted hats for cancer patients and now I’ve got a collection to give to a children’s home that’s near me. Giving really lifts the Spirit, and when my Spirit is uplifted, no darkness can hide it.

      Briana Blair

      That’s pretty awesome Theresa. I wish I could find something cool like that to do with the jewelry I make. I love making it, and I’d really like for it to be out there in the world making someone happy.

        Theresa Wiza

        Maybe you have a children’s shelter around you. You could teach kids – or even adults – how to make jewelry. Once a week, or as often as you can find time, offer a class or drop off a gift to a women’s shelter occasionally. I had thought about teaching crochet to kids, but I can’t squeeze another hour into my days right now. Maybe later.

          Briana Blair

          Thank you for the ideas Theresa.

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