I noticed something amazing last night. It’s one of those things that just happened to sink in. I haven’t been hiding my body like I used to. How cool is that?
I sleep nude, but I’d go straight from my robe to the bed as fast as I could so I wouldn’t be seen. I went from shower to towel to robe and never let myself be seen. I felt fat and ugly and didn’t want my own husband looking at me. That’s pretty sad, but it’s been changing and I’m really happy about that.
I noticed that I’m now confident enough to let Eric come in and talk to me while I’m toweling off after the shower. I’ll happily walk around the bedroom nude in the morning and at night while I get ready. I’m not grabbing for my robe like my life depends on it. I’ll stand at the side of the bed nude and feel sexy. I don’t cover up while I’m sitting in bed braiding my hair before sleep each night.
That is a huge switch for me. I didn’t even notice that it was happening until last night when I was looking at myself in the mirror after my shower, which is also something I didn’t do before. I hated looking at myself. I felt too gross. Now I can stand there and smile at what I see.
I’ve noticed that my breasts are perking up, which is a pretty big accomplishment for a woman edging toward 40. My stretch marks are less visible. My waist is smaller and my belly, while still a little round, is a nice kind of round, not a fat, blobby kind. My derriere is starting to lift. My neck looks slimmer and my shoulders seem sleeker. I still have bits I’m not thrilled with, but I don’t feel disgusting anymore.
I must be getting my brain on the right track. I’ve been battling Body Dysmorphic Disorder since I was a small child, so this is huge for me. It’s amazing to feel pretty and sexy. I’m starting to love my body. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. I want this kind of feeling for everyone facing BDD and self esteem issues. I want everyone to know how amazing it is to feel good about yourself and know that in time you’re going to be even better. It’s a joy I can hardly express.