Last night was… Interesting. Eye-opening. Scary. Like all people, I have my ups and downs. Last night I was having some down. I got cranky and sad. I did something I don’t usually do. I opened up and talked about it.
I found out last night that I may, for the first time in about a decade, have some real friends. The kind you can talk to in the middle of the night, the kind you can say anything to and they help you through it the best they can rather than judging you. Because they love you. That’s amazing and scary and weird. I need to embrace it even though part of me wants to distance from it so I won’t have to ever face losing it. One more demon to battle.
So my thanks goes out, with all my heart, toand for being there last night. I don’t know if they know how much clue bat they hit me with and how much they pushed me out of my comfort zone. I can only hope they realize how much I needed that and how grateful I am for it.
After the conversation with them, a show I’d been trying to see for a while became available to me at just the right time. Wayne Dyer’s Excuses Begone! It was the perfect follow-up to my talk with the ladies. it was just what I needed to hear, just when I needed to hear it. Much like the talk with them, it involved much hitting with the clue bat, and information that was both scary and wonderful.
And all of that leads to the overwhelming fear I mentioned in the title. I have a dream for my life. This year magically led me to what I think is my real calling in life. However, I’m not there yet. I try to be, I do my best, but I’m not. Truly and honestly admitting that and taking myself from a representation of what I want to be down to what I really am scares the hell out of me. You have no idea, but I’m going to try to explain it today.
This will either be the best or worst thing that I can do for my future, and that uncertainty only adds to my fear. But what is fear if not a glaring, flashing sign that you need to get over something? Fear can’t be an excuse and it can’t be allowed to win. I’ll never get where I want to be if I give in to it. So… All I can do is try to move forward from here.