I had a hard time sleeping last night because I had a lot on my mind. When you’re the kind of person that is not only trying to be their best self, but also help the rest of the world to be better, you end up with a lot of heavy thoughts on your mind. Sometimes it’s wonderful, but often it’s rough and it can be emotionally draining.
I often wonder what the source of all the world’s issues is. Theories abound, but no one knows for sure, and maybe we never will. I’ve heard (and had) all sorts of theories. The government is actually aliens trying to destroy humanity. The government and church are being ruled by Satan and God can’t stop him. There aren’t enough souls to make complete people, so they are born wrong and grow into wrong adults. The media is using mind control to destroy society. and those are just a few of the thousands of theories out there.
My mind rattled on over those things for hours last night. I actually had to deal with some serious cognitive dissonance because one of the theories that makes the most sense to me is in direct opposition with my spiritual beliefs. That gets tiring to try to sort out. I can’t decide which half I’m getting wrong, or if there’s some middle ground I’ve never seen yet.
I do my best to wake people up and turn them from useless sheep into thinking, doing human beings, but it’s not easy. I also feel bad for them, as I do for myself. Once you become truly aware, you can’t ever go back. It gets hard. It’s the better way to be, but it’s not an easy path.
I think I’m going to try to write down some of the stuff I was thinking. Just be aware that I’m not actually a crazy conspiracy theorist or spiritual nutjob, I’m just someone who thinks. A lot. Really. I consider and question so many things. So I’m not nuts, I’m just a thinker looking for the answers.