Remember I mentioned my grandpa and how he was little more than a paycheck? I told you I’d get back to him. He was my first example of men being abused. Unfortunately, he was not the last.
I heard a lot of horrible things about grandpa over the years. I didn’t believe a lot of it. I know that he admitted to being an alcoholic. He came to a point in his life where he gave up drinking and smoking cold turkey. I still find that inspiring. As for the rest of what I heard, I have a hard time believing it.
I’d heard he abused grandma. Somehow I have a hard time seeing this 4’ 9” little man beating on a 5’ 6” 180+ pound woman. I’d sooner believe the other way around. I’d heard he sexually abused his daughters. I never believed it. I think it was just their desire to spread hate and lies. He never touched me in an inappropriate way. Ever.
I do know that he was a victim of a form of abuse. Grandma used him for money. She showed him no respect, talked badly about him at every chance and had banned him from the marital bed before I was even born. I saw them kiss and hug one time in my whole life. He was unloved and unappreciated. they hardly ever spoke. If he’d been a dog someone would have accused her of willful neglect. But he was a man, and no one thinks men can suffer. He did, in constant silence.
I did see him cry once or twice. He was so broken inside. He was in pain. He finally found his freedom when I was 16 when he left us with grandma’s mother and went to Florida. They say he died in the arms of a hooker. I sort of hope he did. The man deserved a kind touch and a thrill for all he’d seen and silently endured. When I was young I hated him for not helping me, but overall I felt sad for him, and I hope those final few months away brought him some peace.
About 6 years ago I encountered another abused man. A friend and someone I loved was being abused by his wife. She used him for money, used the children as a tool to keep him compliant and used her hypochondria as well. She belittled and bullied him. She was insane and evil, she and my grandmother could have been cut from the same cloth.
One night I was visiting MK and his wife. She got jealous of my presence (because we were watching a movie she insisted was “theirs”) and went into one of her fits. He tried to go to her, to show her he was hers, but she went crazy. She hit him and bit him several times. I managed to get him out of the house and over to ours. Eric and I tended his wounds and tried to convince him that he had to save himself and leave.
He stayed with us a few days and even had her put in an institution. Even mom-in-law was there with us, promising to support and help him. We’d have taken him in if need be. Unfortunately, he went to visit her and she suckered him into letting her out and taking her back. We saw very little of him after that. The last time we saw him he looked a mess. It was obvious nothing had gotten better.
Anyone who thinks that men can’t suffer abuse is a fool. It can and does happen. Women can be manipulative, evil creatures. All people can really. They don’t all resort to physical violence, but I can tell you that mental scars can cut far deeper. I know many, including myself, who have suffered emotional and psychological abuse who wish we’d been hit. It would have been easier. But never think a man can’t be a victim. They can, and they need love and support. I really wish we could have saved MK. Grandpa finally saved himself. Some never do, and some even kill themselves over it.