It’s interesting that today, on a day when I’ve been trying to stay calm in the face of welling anger, that I should get an email from Panache Desai linking to a blog post entitled “Is Fear making You Furious?”
I’ve thought on this topic many times, and unfortunately I haven’t made as much headway as I’d like. In Panache’s post he indicates that anger may, in many cases, be caused by fear, and I can agree with that to an extent. I know that I have experienced fear-based anger, and still do at times, but that seems to be, at least for me, the easier type of anger to deal with. The kind that bothers me is the type that arises from a lack of control.
Much of my frequent anger comes from not being able to control the things and people around me. I know we’re not supposed to want to control people, but before anyone jumps to conclusions, let me say that this is just difficult to put into words. As an example, You live in a certain place and you don’t want to live there.You live with people whom you don’t want to live with. Those people treat you disrespectfully and aren’t conducive to the kind of life you want to live. This can create a lot of anger. If it is beyond your control to change where you live, and beyond your control to get people to treat you respectfully, it’s easy to become stressed and angry.
I’ve read many times that the only thing we can truly change and control is ourselves, but that mentality isn’t very helpful in these situations. “Just don’t let it get to you” is not always possible. If you were being treated with disrespect and dealing with selfish people daily with no way to change it, I doubt you’d have a saintlike lack of affectedness to it. We can choose to ask for respect, work toward freedom, bite our tongues and such, but that doesn’t stop the situation from being there every day. So what does one do?
In my situation, I’ve expressed my feeling and my needs, but to no avail. I‘ve tried to ignore the issues, but they’ve continued. I’ve tried leading by being an example of respect and good behavior. I’m doing all I can to create a better situation elsewhere. In the meantime, how does a person deal with the constant annoyance and the strain and anger that comes with it? I don’t see any more ways for me to change myself. I feel at a loss, and I’m not the only one being affected in this particular situation. If I can find a solution, maybe I can help the others who are feeling the same way that I am.