I am constantly getting messages from men on OKcupid, and I rarely ever respond to any of them. I have good reasons too. I figured I’d use those messages as inspiration to help you guys out there get better results when you try to contact a woman on a dating site.
First and foremost: Fill out your profile! A blank profile makes you look lazy, or like you have something to hide. Fill the thing in. And be honest. Don’t say anything that isn’t true or try to make yourself look like you’re something you’re not. Dishonesty will just backfire later. And be sure to fill in as much as you possibly can. The more we can know, the more interested we can get.
Put up a photo. It needs to be a real photo of your face. Not your abs. Not your dog or your car or your drum set. Not of someone else. YOU. If you don’t have a good head shot, you won’t get many responses. Body part shots only work on trashy chicks, and we’re not dating your dog or your truck.
When you message a woman, say more than “hey”. Seriously, if that’s the best you can muster, that’s pretty lame. “You’re hot” is also lame. At least try to be creatively flattering. Better yet, instead of talking about how she looks, mention something from her profile. Women like to know you pay attention, and bringing up something she posted about herself is a good start.
Also, use real words. “u wanna chat w me?” or “was up?” does not inspire interest. Use full sentences with punctuation and show that you can communicate. If you represent yourself like someone of low intelligence, that’s what you’ll attract.
Unless you only care about sex, don’t bring it up in a message. Really, I block anyone who mentions sex to me. Don’t bring up your fetishes in the first message either. If that’s your thing, there are sites for that.
Try to be honest and engaging when talking to someone. Like I said, talking about her interests or asking questions based on her profile is a good start. Just be yourself. That’s who you want her to be interested in, right? Also, put in as much as you want to get back out. If you’re phoning it in, you’re not going to get good results.