It’s 3:30AM right now. Earlier I was looking over some of my notifications before going to bed. I had a few comments, and for some reason, two of them actually spurred a sense of anger and disgust in me. I took a few minutes to think about it rather than responding right away. I’m glad I did, and it really gives me something to think about.
I’m glad I’m becoming more self-aware, because there’s a part of me that was tempted to be really stupid a few minutes ago.commented on two of my posts. Both comments had obvious Christian thoughts to them. My first feeling was disgust and anger. Some part of me wanted to have something to say to rail against the audacity of her bringing that near my posts. Luckily, that awareness kicked in and stopped me.
Here’s the thing… She didn’t say anything bad! She wasn’t rude or disrespectful or pushy or anything. I think she was actually trying to be kind and just share her feelings. If I’d said anything negative, I’d have totally been in the wrong for it. If not for that part of me that’s grown and become smarter, I would have made a total @$$ out of myself. So my question becomes, why did I even have those feelings in the first place?
Have my experiences of Christians been so bad that I’ve come to dislike them all? Have the bad apples of their religion gotten so much press that the mere thought of them puts a bad taste in my mouth? I think the answer to both is yes. And you know what, I feel a little ashamed of myself for ever allowing that to take hold in my mind. Unfortunately, it’s happened to a lot more people than just me, and sadly, not everyone has gotten to a point where they can realize the problem in what they’re feeling and bite their tongue and think.
I know for a fact that there are good Christians. There are good and bad people in every faith. I shouldn’t ever want to condemn someone for the wrongs done by others of their group. If I don’t know someone personally and they’ve never said anything meant to harm me, I would be utterly wrong to say anything hurtful to them.
I guess I have to work on those feelings still. I have to somehow reinforce my knowledge that not all of them are evil, only some. I can’t hate an entire group of people for what a few extremists have done and are still doing. I have to try to love the good ones, and look for the good ones. I manage to find good in other things, I should be able to do it here as well.
I almost feel like I need to apologize to someone, but luckily it was only a thought, and I caught it before it became words on the internet that I could never take back. I hope that everyone out there can learn to do that. Think first, type later. You know what? I will say I’m sorryfor having momentary bad thoughts about you, and I’m going to thank you for creating an opportunity for me to see a fault that I need to repair. Without even knowing it, you’ve helped me take another step to being a better person. Thank you.